I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
