I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
