They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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