Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
