I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
