When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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