what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
