I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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