need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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