my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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