I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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