2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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