super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we're making bets on your personal life
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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