dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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