I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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