She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
you had me at cake vodka
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
