Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
