she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
