Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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