my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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