in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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