I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
