i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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