I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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