my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
