I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
