Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
