And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
