That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
