I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
