I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
