He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
