just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
