i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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