you're like a bully in the Christmas story
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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