remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
