is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
