I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
