My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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