he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
