Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
