the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
