You can't motorboat a personality
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
