It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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