Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
