I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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