so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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