ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
