Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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