I feel like abortions should bother me more
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
