i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
