there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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