i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
