these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
